Solitude

I do have to say that learning to be alone, to be still, to listen to the Lord's speaking is an incredible blessing right now in my life. I'm 26 years old, no longer a child with no more excuses to do childish things.

What has happened this past month? I've ended one more rotation in Anesthesiology, after a fantastic month on general surgery. I have resolved to pursue Anesthesiology, because I want to be a person who works on a team and makes a tangible, measurable difference each day. I am also not pure enough in my motives, intention, or will to do Family Medicine. I honestly get burned out meeting too many new people - I prefer short, brief touches and several, life-long companions.

I wanted to be a surgeon, but I didn't want to spend my whole life doing surgery. That is okay. I have no shame or no regret about saying that. Maybe I'll secretly envy the surgeons I'll work with, but I will also truly appreciate being at home and being with a currently fictional, but hopefully real someday family.

Decisions are hard, but I find myself getting too caught up in all the decisions. You know what's more important? Being happy now - being satisfied with the things at hand, the decisions that I have made, and being at peace with the flawed, imperfect, much-room-for-improvement person I am now.