Uncovering old wounds

 I recently started seeing a therapist. I cried at work twice and decided that I needed professional help. My anxiety was out of control. 

After talking to my therapist about how I have this problem of negative self talk, we started talking about experiences in my childhood that made feel "less than," not seen or appreciated for who I am. I took this quiz that she sent me about childhood wounds and this was my result. 

Your Primary Origin Wound is a Worthiness Wound

If your primary wound is a Worthiness wound, you might be familiar with an inner narrative starting a lot of sentences with “I’m not…I won’t…I can’t…I’m too…I should…If I just…”. You might notice that you feel undeserving of good things or struggle to believe that who you authentically are, all parts of you, are worthy of receiving love, attention, presence and commitment. Are you only worthy when you’re easy going? Does your worthiness get put into question when you behave in ways you’re ashamed of or think no one could possibly love? The Worthiness origin wound might stem from parents or caretakers who were unavailable to you – whether in the form of absence, inconsistency, distraction or abandonment. That unavailability may have caused confusion and loneliness and a belief that you were the cause of the change or loss of connection. If only you were more X or a little less Y, right? You might have also experienced conditional love from your caregivers that made you believe that in order to receive their presence, warmth, praise or approval you had to be “good” or meet their expectations.

As an adult, you might notice that you overcompensate to feel worthy, you might be a people-pleaser, rarely voice your preferences or disappointments, pretend like things are fine when they’re not, worry about what others think of you, focus on perfectionism, or notice a self-critic that pressures you into being the version of yourself you believe others want or are more drawn to.

It takes time to heal an origin wound, but a great place to start is by naming the wound and acknowledging some of the early moments you remember feeling unworthy. Is there a specific person with whom you felt unworthy? Was there a specific moment that stands out to you, or was it more of an ever present feeling you had? You might consider journaling about this or just taking a moment to close your eyes and reflect. There’s layers to this work that include witnessing the younger version of you who began to question your worth, grieving the many types of loss you’ve experienced, and pivoting into different behaviors and patterns in your adult relationships that have you making decisions from an authentic place with your worthiness intact.